One Day in a Western Town
by Animesque
Summary: AU. Seigaku Gen. The Seigaku boys are actors! Watch them tackle the most challenging movie they’ve ever made. In one day! Crack. OOC. Everything abound!


**One Day in a Western Town**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Prince of Tennis cast. XD. If I did… Honestly? You wouldn't want to know.

**Story summary: **AU. Seigaku Gen. The Seigaku boys are actors! Watch them tackle the most challenging movie they've ever made. In one day! -cheers-

**Warnings: **Crack (kinda), OOC (somewhat), cross dressing, weird casts and no shounen ai unless you look under a microscope

**A/N: **Written for the LJ community 'PoT exchange'. My requestor kindly gave me permission to repost this here. -bows- Thank you!

* * *

Tezuka, as usual, was the first one to work. He walked into the actor's lobby and sighed, looking at the clock. It showed that it was eight twenty-five exactly in the morning. Finding a seat furthermost from the door, Tezuka sat down and stared out of the window.

A minute later, Oishi appeared, giving the door a cursory knock before pushing it open. The actor was always polite and very concerned about everyone's wellbeing. The others often laughed and called him 'mother'.

"Good morning Tezuka!" He chirped cheerfully, placing a large mug of coffee onto the coffee table in front of the veteran actor.

Tezuka nodded cordially at the other man, "Thank you Oishi."

Tezuka and Oishi had been working together for years now. They, along with a couple of others, namely Kikumaru Eiji, Kawamura Takashi and Fuji Syuusuke, had signed up with the Seishun Acting Agency at the same time under a famous acting agent named Ryuuzaki Sumire.

"Hoi, hoi!" A red-head bounced into the room and grinned at the two others already there, "Good morning Tezuka, Oishi!"

Tezuka gave out another of his stoic nods, "Kikumaru."

"How are you today Eiji?" Oishi asked his fellow actor with a huge smile.

"Good! I've had my coffee and I feel ready to take on anything!"

"That's certainly good to hear," Ryuuzaki herself had swept into the room. She, like Tezuka had done, gave the clock hanging on the wall an unreadable glance before letting out a sigh. "The others are late again?"

Kikumaru, who was always bouncy no matter what time of day it was, grinned and made a peace sign with his left hand, "I passed Fuji and Taka-san before, they had stopped to grab a coffee."

Ryuuzaki tapped a foot with impatience. "Then what about Echizen, Momoshiro and Kaidoh?"

"Chances of Momoshiro and Kaidoh being late: 98"

Everyone, sans Tezuka, jumped about a foot up in the air before turning to scowl at the newcomer. "INUI!"

The grinning, suit-wearing man pushed his glasses onto his nose more firmly before scribbling something into the green book that never left his side, "Ii data."

"Morning." Echizen Ryoma, the youngest member of their acting troop sauntered into the room.

"Ochibi!" Kikumaru immediately left Oishi's side to latch onto the shorter offering.

"Kikumaru-senpai… Please get off me." Echizen's voice sounded a little forced.

"Eiji… Maybe you should let Echizen go before you choke him," Oishi fluttered around the two and suggested quietly to Kikumaru.

Inui continued scribbling away in his notebook, as if this didn't happen every morning. Ryuuzaki sighed before she motioned him to a corner of the room.

Inui Sadaharu was something of a rarity. He registered as an actor under Ryuuzaki as well, but he never appeared in anything. Instead, he was more often found collecting data and acting as the middleman between Ryuuzaki and any potential employers.

The two, Inui and Ryuuzaki discussed something animatedly and in length. Whilst that was going on, the remaining members of the actors had found their way into the room just as the clock chimed half past.

Fuji Syuusuke, the gently smiling, closed eyed genius of stage was sitting next to Tezuka, talking quietly to the tall, muscular man sitting on his other side, Kawamura Takashi.

Kawamura, better known as Taka-san, was a kindly young man who despite his shy personality, was their resident stuntman who appeared in smaller roles when he had to.

'You're late!" Ryuuzaki's sharp voice cut across the murmured conversation as two figures tried to sneak in undetected.

The one at the back kicked the one in front of him, "Look what you did mamushi!"

The other hissed, akin of a snake, and shoved the other one back, "Shut up Momoshiro. It's your fault!"

Momoshiro shoved the other back just as hard, "What did you say?"

Fuji smiled, closed eyed, and leaned back, "Saa… This looks interesting."

Kikumaru was clinging to Oishi again but for once was silent.

Inui shook his head and mumbled to Ryuuzaki, "You shouldn't have done that. Now it's never going to end unless Tezuka…"

"Momoshiro. Kaidoh. Twenty laps each around the building." Tezuka snapped out.

"Unless Tezuka gets annoyed," Inui finished with a shrug whilst his pen flew across his page.

Momoshiro and Kaidoh glared at each other for a moment longer before they both took off.

Neither of them even thought about arguing or whining about how unfair it was. No one disobeyed Tezuka. No one knew why either.

It was kind of like one of those laws of nature: If you lived, you breathed… and you obeyed Tezuka.

Fuji grinned and his blue eyes showed for a brief moment, "Saa… Our leader has spoken."

Echizen shook his head and pushed his cap down a little more, "Mada mada dane."

Once the situation had calmed down a little and both Momoshiro and Kaidoh had finished their laps, everyone gathered around Ryuuzaki and Inui.

"Alright boys, there's something good for you coming up." Ryuuzaki rubbed her hands together and looked around at her group. She was proud of them achieving what they had in the three and a bit years they had been under her care.

She smiled and gestured to Inui, "You can do the honors Inui."

The tall man merely nodded and whipped out his green note book again, "XYZ Films has just signed us all up for a film."

Murmurs started in the room. XYZ was a well known, much respected, documentary company.

Inui pushed his glasses up a little further, "However they have certain conditions on the contract." He produced the document in question and handed a copy to each member.

Everyone present scanned it.

"They want to sign us up to do a Western?" Kikumaru was the first to pipe up.

Inui nodded again, "Apparently an anonymous sponsor who was more than impressed with their style and quality has donated an incredible amount of money for XYZ to attempt an extremely short Western film. Filming will take place over one day only. That day is tomorrow."

No one said a word. This was the most sudden contract they'd ever been offered.

Oishi coughed lightly and asked the question that everyone was thinking, "Are we talking cowboys, shoot outs and horses?"

"Yes… One of those."

"If successful, it'll be shown in American cinemas." Inui added as an incentive. "And the pay is ridiculously good."

Everyone shifted slightly uncomfortably as Inui's glasses gleamed with a slightly sinister glint.

"Think about this as an opportunity to expand into the western market," Ryuuzaki encouraged with a small smile. "None of you have had that opportunity yet."

"Ah."

Silence fell again as everyone either continued reading or thought about it.

"Inui." Only Tezuka's voice could make a mere name sound like a command.

"Yes, Tezuka?"

"One of these conditions states that they've already picked the role each of us is to play."

"That is so."

"…"

Fuji smiled sweetly and completed the thought for Tezuka, "Then can we know our characters?"

Inui's pen halted in its path, "I'm afraid I don't have that data." He shifted a little, "Apparently, we'll get told that information once we reach there and begin filming."

Momoshiro jumped up, waving his already signed sheet in the air, "Then what are we waiting for?"

Kaidoh hissed softly, "Shut it stupid. Inui-senpai must have something else he wants to add."

Momoshiro turned his nastiest look onto Kaidoh who glared back. Sparks flew.

Inui made his way forward and placed a hand on Kaidoh's shoulder, "Kaidoh…"

The younger man flinched and shrunk back a little. Kaidoh didn't like being touched. "Inui-senpai…?"

Inui continued to smile. Kaidoh felt freaked out. However, that moment quickly passed when Kikumaru started firing questions off at random but mostly directed in Inui's direction.

"When do we start filming?" "Where are we filming?" "Are we all going?"

Ryuuzaki spoke up, "There's one more important condition tied into the contract."

Everyone waited.

She held up the paper and pointed to a underlined section before reading it out loud, " 'XYZ Films will agree that all negotiated conditions stated on this contract is valid only if all actors of the Seigaku Agency under Ryuuzaki Sumire's name enter into this contract in a legal, lawful way.'"

Inui cleared his throat, drawing attention back to him, "Which means that if one of us, including me, declines this opportunity, no one else is able to participate either."

His glasses glinted again and he turned his back on the group to grab something sitting behind him.

When Inui turned back around, everyone around the table gulped and paled. Inui held a pitcher of his infamous juice. "Inui Youth Juice Remix. It's great for your looks and body."

His smile became just that littlest bit more sinister, "And a gift from me to anyone who is considering not signing the contract."

"Yikes…"

"EEK! Save me Oishi!"

"Sign it Eiji!"

Even Echizen stared at it with a disgusted look on his face.

Pens flew and papers started piling in.

"Ii data."

Tezuka was one of the last to put his paper in. He glanced at Fuji who was sitting beside him and tapping his pen against the table thoughtfully.

"It looks nice." Fuji sighed wistfully but signed his anyway. "Maybe he'll let me have a little taste afterwards."

"You're incredible Fuji-senpai!" Momoshiro shook his head in slight awe of his senior.

Although they were about the same age, all of them were in their late teens; they accorded each other status by the number of years with the company.

Momoshiro and Kaidoh were both a year later in joining with Echizen being recruited another year later. Therefore, all three called everyone else with a –senpai suffix.

"That's enough for today boys!" Ryuuzaki called for everyone's attention before the room could escalate into some sort of mess again. "Be up nice and early tomorrow for our trip to the movie studio."

She grinned and waved them all off, "Now shoo."

* * *

All of the Seigaku actors were suitably impressed when they arrived at their filming location the next day.

"Nya… It's just like a real western scene!" Kikumaru exclaimed as he peeked through a couple of windows and poked at several buildings.

All of them were currently in the midst of a guided tour through the movie set.

Their director, Banji, grinned and nodded, "Exactly. Our anonymous sponsor donated all of this."

"Wow…" Momoshiro let out a low whistle, "Then he or she must be very rich. Isn't that right Echizen?"

The youngest member of their group sighed and pulled down his hat, "I wouldn't know Momo-senpai."

"Alright." Banji rubbed his hands together, "Let us begin then."

"Ooh!" Kikumaru bounced up and down even faster, grabbing hold of Oishi. "Are we going to find out our roles now?"

Banji nodded slowly and a whipped out a sheet of paper, "Here's the casting list."

"So exciting!" Kikumaru, eyes wide, bounded forward to scan the sheet for his name, "I'd really like to be a cowboy or the sheriff!"

Everyone, even Tezuka, moved a little closer to get a good look.

"Eeh?!"

"Huh?!"

"I'm not there!"

"Neither am I!"

Fuji smiled as he found his name right below Tezuka's. "Saa… Looks like I'm a good guy." He was quite pleased with his cast role; the hero's side-kick.

Tezuka made no comment. No one present could decipher his expression. Therefore, it was impossible to tell what the stoic man was thinking after being cast as the evil villain.

Inui pushed his glasses up and scribbled a couple of notes into his notebook, "Interesting."

Inui's name wasn't anywhere to be seen on the list either. Inwardly, he was quite pleased. He'd rather sit in the shadows and take notes than take centre stage in a short film.

"Hahahahaha!" Momoshiro's laugh rang out as he saw Kaidoh's name and his role next to it.

"You've got a problem idiot?" Kaidoh hissed and shoved his face right up against Momoshiro's. However, there was a slight sheen of embarrassment written across his features.

Inui's pen scribbled faster, "Ii data."

_Kaidoh Karou – Priest_

Momoshiro clutched his stomach and almost collapsed on the floor. Just before it broke out into a one on one fight, Inui grabbed Kaidoh's arm and led the younger boy to a secluded area.

Whatever the glasses wearing man said to Kaidoh, it was enough to have the younger boy breaking out in a sweat. Kaidoh returned, much more subdued than before.

"Mada mada dane." Echizen grinned at Momoshiro. "At least Kaidoh-senpai got a role."

Momoshiro mock scowled and ruffled the younger boy's head. His violet eyes scanned the list again, "Hey. Echizen, you got the leading role. Not bad for a squirt."

"Huh. Obviously." Echizen pulled his cap down a little.

"Nya! You're so lucky ochibi!" Kikumaru pouted as Oishi patted his shoulder.

"Can I watch you be the sheriff then Oishi?" The red-head's spirits were up once more.

The taller, black-haired boy nodded, "Sure."

"You're going to be a great sheriff Oishi!" Kikumaru bounced again.

Banji grabbed a pile of books and handed them out, "Each of you will have a copy of the script to refer to."

"Even if we don't have a role?" Inui asked as he accepted his copy.

"Of course. That way you can keep track of where we are and maybe raise some suggestions of the best way to perform a scene to the actors." Banji's smile never went away. Some of the Seigaku crowd were becoming a little scared.

A young man, who looked barely older than Echizen, scuttled up to Banji and mumbled something into the older man's ear.

Banji's smile faded whilst the younger man nodded emphatically before producing a phone and inputting a number into it. He handed the phone over to the Producer.

As he watched Banji talk a bit anxiously, he seemed to finally become aware of the number of eyes on him. His own eyes widened before he bowed, "Ah. I'm sorry! I'm Dan Tachi desu. And I'm your Production Manager."

Dan's eyes widen even more, if it was possible, when he saw Echizen. "Echizen Ryoma!" With quick steps, he made it to the other youngster's side and held out a hand, "I'm a big fan desu!" As he bowed repeatedly, the green headband that he wore fell into his eyes and he kept pushing it back.

The remainder of the Seigaku group watched this in amusement. Their little 'prodigy' had a fanboy.

"Uh… Nice to meet you." Echizen nodded before falling silent once more.

Dan didn't seem to mind. Instead, he chattered on continuously.

Banji rejoined the group. Immediately, Dan's demeanor changed, "Did you fix it desu?"

The older man sighed, "I'm afraid not. However… I did manage to contact the agent who is in touch with our anonymous donor."

Dan seemed to hold his breath, "And?"

The Seigaku actors exchanged wary looks before Momoshiro stepped forward, "Say… What are you talking about?"

Before either the producer or the production manager could answer, another man came running up, waving a sheet of paper in the air, his bright orange hair shining under the morning light, "I've got it! Lucky!"

"Sengoku-san." Dan watched anxiously as the man named Sengoku handed the sheet of paper to Banji.

Banji scanned the sheet. Everyone present could see his eyebrows shoot up before he could help himself. The older man shot Sengoku a look. The orange haired man shrugged, "It's not my problem."

With that parting shot, he slung a friendly arm around Dan and sauntered away.

Banji stared after him a bit despairingly before he realized that the Seigaku actors were staring at him, waiting for him to say something. His normal smile reappeared with a bit of force, "Well…"

Kikumaru was still hanging off Oishi, "Nya… Is something wrong?"

Banji coughed, "Uh… No."

Everyone continued to stare.

"Alright." He held up the sheet, "I'm afraid there's a slight change of plans."

"Eh?"

"The extras for today's shoot can't make it. And the props company has suddenly gone bankrupt."

"Eh?"

Tezuka spoke up, "What does that mean then Banji-san?"

Banji cleared his throat, "Well… I've already talked to the middleman between us and the sponsor." He held up the sheet of paper that he had been given, "I've been emailed these instructions."

Taking a couple of steps backwards, Banji read it out, " 'The film must be finished by today, as per the agreement settled upon at the beginning of this partnership. Therefore, new actors must be cast for all vital roles and you will have to make do with the props already on set. The recasting is as follows…"

Here Banji stopped and handed Tezuka the paper with a slightly nervous chuckle. "Here, Tezuka. You and your fellow actors can read through it. Come and find me if there's a problem. We begin shooting the film in an hour. I expect you at the first set by then"

He started off, almost jogging in his haste to remove himself, "Remember, you have to learn the lines as well."

The Seigaku team gave each other a slightly uneasy look before turning their focus onto the piece of paper.

"!!!"

"Eek!"

"What?!"

"NO WAY!"

"This is illogical."

"Fshuuu…"

"…"

"Eh?!"

"Umm…"

The nine men looked at the sheet once more before turning simultaneously to glare at their producer who wasn't there anymore.

This didn't bode well.

* * *

"This isn't fair!" Eiji pouted and whined to anyone who would listen. "Oishi would have made a much better sheriff than I would!" He was currently outraged at Oishi's recasting.

Always loyal to one another, Kikumaru and Oishi had played enough starring roles alongside each other to earn the nickname of the Golden Pair.

Oishi smiled gently and patted his red-haired friend's hair, "It's alright Eiji. Didn't you say you wanted to be the sheriff. Now's your big chance!"

Kikumaru pouted for a little longer before breaking out into a grin, "Nya! And I'll try and be a better sheriff than you can ever be O-i-shi!"

"Fshuuu…" Kaidoh was backing himself into a corner. Inui's smile just got more sinister by the minute.

"Kaidoh…" Inui's voice was suspiciously soft, "You do obey your senpais right?"

"Y…yes…" Kaidoh was still casting his eyes about for a way to escape. No chance.

"Then listen to me and put this on." Inui waved the item of clothing under his junior's nose again.

"But…but… Inui-senpai… That's… that's…" Kaidoh couldn't even get the words out of his mouth. Inui took this as his chance and dragged the younger boy into the nearest building set.

Loud yells and crashes could be heard.

Kaidoh's voice was practically a scream. "NO! Senpai! NOT THERE…!!"

"This won't hurt Kaidoh. Now just stay still." Inui's voice was calm as usual.

"NO! I WON'T! IT'S WRONG!"

"Now, now Kaidoh… The impression that something like… this is wrong is merely that. An impression."

A pause.

"In today's society, people accept all sorts of things. This is included."

A groan sounded. "Nooooo… I don't want to…!"

Silence fell as random pieces of clothing were thrown out of the window.

Everyone present took steps back before turning away. It didn't involve them and therefore they will not pay any attention.

No matter how /wrong/ it sounded.

Fuji smiled in a way that reminded Tezuka of a hunter who was considering his next meal as he turned back. "Saa Tezuka… You must be pleased with your recasting."

Tezuka said nothing. His only reply was a slight move of his shoulders. There was no way to tell how relieved he was to be recast as the hero of this western. If he was even relieved that is.

The tensai's eyes appeared, a frightening shade of blue, especially since it glittered menacingly. "I would like to meet the person who recast us."

Even Tezuka had to still for a moment. He honestly pitied the person who had made themselves the target of Fuji's wrath.

"It doesn't look too bad on you though Fuji…" Tezuka thought it would be better if he tried to placate the tensai some before he demanded blood.

Fuji's smile turned sickly sweet, "Why thank you Tezuka!" He twirled around a couple of times. "Maybe I should do this more often," Fuji mused.

He turned to Tezuka, "What do you think?"

"…"

* * *

"Mada mada dane." Echizen pulled down his cap with a barely concealed scowl.

Momoshiro laughed out loud, he had been recast in Fuji's previous role whilst Echizen had…

"Do I look like a cow to you Momo-senpai?" Echizen grumbled. He wondered why a cow would be in a western anyway.

Momoshiro bit back a laugh and ruffled the youngster's hair, "But it says in the script that the cow is a leading role."

"Which was supposed to be played by an actual cow."

A pause and a sigh.

"Mada mada dane."

* * *

Kawamura sat quietly by himself on a porch that was part of a ranch house setting. He hummed a small tune.

Fuji approached him in his new cast outfit. He had no reservations about changing into it as Kaidoh had previously.

"Taka-san…" Fuji smiled gently and handed him a rifle prop from god-knows-where.

Kawamura took it and flames started leaping about.

"Oooh… OOH! BURNING! COME ON BABY! THIS PRIEST IS BURNING!"

Fuji's smile was still as sweet as ever, "That's better."

"HORA HORA! YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS? COME AND GET IT!" With that, Kawamura proceeded to run around the set like a madman chasing everyone at least once.

Fuji's smile only got wider when even Tezuka had to move from his famed 'Tezuka Zone' to avoid the human flame ball known as Kawamura Takashi.

"Fuji! Stop this nonsense at once!" Tezuka was obviously quite annoyed.

Sighing, knowing that his fun couldn't last anymore, the tensai pulled the rifle from Kawamura's grasp as he sprinted by.

"BURNING! EVERYONE… should try their best today." As soon as the item was taken away from him, the tall, shy man was back to how he was normally.

Inui and Kaidoh reappeared. Kaidoh was blushing furiously while Inui looked superbly pleased with himself. Somehow, Inui had managed not to get himself cast into the film in the recasting.

Momoshiro edged up to Kikumaru and muttered, "Say Eiji-senpai… Do you think Inui-senpai is kind of making moves on mamushi?"

Kikumaru seemed to consider this for a brief moment before he bounced up, "Hoi! You might have a point there Momo!"

"Oishi! Oishi!" Kikumaru bounded over to his fellow actor's side. "Nya! Inui and Kaidoh are involved!"

"Huh?!" Oishi flushed and darted glances about to the aforementioned two people. "Eiji… What are you saying? Inui and Kaidoh can't be together! I mean… They're both guys…"

"Hmm?" Fuji's hearing apparently was superhuman considering he was almost ten meters away when Oishi had muttered that out loud. It must have been a tensai thing. "Really now?"

"Saa, Tezuka… Did you hear that?" The blue eyed tensai seemed to enjoy riling people up.

"…" Tezuka probably did but pretended not to.

"Inui and Kaidoh are apparently having an illicit affair which Inui initiated."

"…" Tezuka probably really didn't want or need to hear that.

Fuji's smile was now scarily cheerful, "Don't you think it's a wondrous thing?"

Kaidoh, promptly overhearing everything Fuji said, whimpered and scuttled behind Echizen as Inui suddenly appeared behind him, "Ii data."

"I…I…Inui-senpai…" Kaidoh and Inui circled around each other with Kaidoh using Echizen as a shield. "Please stop stalking me…"

"Kaidoh-senpai? Please let me go…" Echizen didn't know what it was with his senpais and touching him today. If he had cared a bit more, he'd be feeling freaked out. Kaidoh let him go but still kind of hovered behind the younger boy.

"Kaidoh… Would you…" Inui made one last flourish on his notebook before dropping down to one knee and extending one hand.

Oishi gasped, flushed furiously and darted his glance left and right.

Kikumaru bounced around, "How romantic!"

Somehow a wooden cross made it's way into Kawamura's hand, "HORA! BURNING LOVE!"

Fuji smiled innocently when Tezuka glared at him, "What?"

"…"

Kaidoh went green, purple and grey before settling on a strange pink color, "I…I…Inui-senpai!"

He looked around frantically before his gaze settled on Echizen who was standing quite still in front of him with a resigned expression.

Kaidoh grabbed the younger boy and held him out like a shield.

"Ooh…" Momoshiro grinned. He had settled down a little way away and was sitting and enjoying the show. "Mamushi has an Echizen and he's not afraid to use him!"

"Momo-senpai?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't like you."

"That's not nice Echizen…" Fuji put in his two cents worth before Momoshiro could say anything.

Inui muttered something under his breath.

"Three… Two… One…"

"EVERYONE! 50 laps around the set." Tezuka's voice rang out. A very annoyed voice.

"NOW!" he added when no one seemed to want to move. Everyone jerked out of their frightened state and began running while Fuji took the chance to pull the cross out of Kawamura's hand before they too joined the ranks of running Seigaku actors.

"…And cut!"

Banji jumped down from his chair. "That was wonderful boys, although I couldn't find that particular scene in the script."

Tezuka stared him down. They held a staring competition whilst the remaining Seigaku members finished their laps. It wasn't long, especially with Inui's special juice remix to help them on their way.

Banji smiled in a way very reminiscent of Fuji as they all re-gathered, "Now… If you would like to flip to the sixth scene, I think we've got enough to make do with scenes one to five."

"Ehhh? Just like that?" Kikumaru's blue eyes were wide as he flicked through his book in astonishment.

"Lucky!" Sengoku grinned as he read the next bit of the movie script which was fairly close to the end of the script book, "We might be able to go home early!"

"Now…" Banji clapped his hands together. "This is the final confrontation scene between the ultimate evil villain and the hero and hero's sidekick. The sheriff and the cow shall also play an important part."

"Che." Echizen still wasn't pleased about how he was cast in this.

"It's the girl scene Oishi!" Kikumaru squealed.

Inui's pen stilled in its path for a moment, hovering just above the page, "Banji-san…"

"Yes?"

"I've read through the script, this particular scene in particular… And if I've got it correct, you also need another prop and/or person since it or he is quite important in the scene." Inui pushed his glasses up and referred to his copy.

"Ah… Very good my boy…" Banji rubbed his hands together this time round and his closed eyes seemed to glint with more evil than Inui could manage holding one of his juices.

Inui suddenly had a very bad feeling about this. "Umm… You know what? I'd prefer not to know, if that's alright."

Banji shook his head, smiling brightly, "No, no… Since you asked, I'm sure you'll be very pleased to do the honors…"

* * *

"This is illogical!" Inui looked around.

He couldn't do much apart from that.

He couldn't touch his glasses. He couldn't get his juice.

Heck, he couldn't even move properly. "This is utterly against the laws of logic." Inui repeated again hopping around. He couldn't even walk.

Fuji sauntered around Inui for a moment. "It actually does suit you Inui…" His grin was very, very sadistic.

"Say cheese!" Momoshiro snapped off a couple of pictures.

"Alright boys, get into position! Get ready to start filming in three…two…one." Banji's assistant removed the take number from in front of the camera.

"Take one!"

_Fujiko and Kaoko were sitting in the local saloon, sipping juice and giggling amongst themselves about the latest hot bad boy in town, Tezuka. _

"_He's really good looking," Fujiko sighed and would have fluttered her/his eyelashes if it was possible._

"_I know…" growled Kaoko._

"CUT!" Banji frowned a bit at Kaidoh. "Girls don't growl! Remember that Kaidoh!"

"Fshuuu…"

"Or hiss either."

"Take two!"

"_I know…" simpered Kaoko._

"_Hey look! It's the evil bad rancher Oishi!" Fujiko's eyes were still closed as she/he pointed outside the window._

_Sure enough, as Kaoko looked outside, she/he saw the evil rancher walk past._

_She/he let out a gasp, "Gaspu! There's the bad boy cowboy Tezuka! They're going to have a shoot off!"_

_Just then, the local sheriff bounced past and yelled at the two, "Hoi! In the name of the law, I forbid you to fight!"_

"CUT!" Banji shook his head at Kikumaru, "No bouncing. The sheriff is a serious person."

Kikumaru pouted, "Fine."

"Take three!"

_Just then, the local sheriff stomped past and yelled at the two, "Hoi! In the name of the law, I forbid you to fight!"_

_Oishi tried to form a sneer which looked more like a plea for help, "Oh Goodness! It's the sheriff! What am I going to do?"_

_Tezuka stepped forward and promptly tripped over his long cloak. He fell flat on his face._

"CUT! You're not supposed to trip Tezuka!"

"Take four!"

_Tezuka stepped forward again and managed to stay upright. He flicked his cloak back and monotonously informed everyone present that, "I will have this shoot out with you, evil villain Oishi. It's on my honor."_

_Oishi looked seriously scared, "Oh no! What shall I do? I can never win a real shootout against the big hero Tezuka!"_

_At that moment, Fujiko chose to step out of the front door of the saloon which was conveniently located right next to where evil villain Oishi was standing._

"_I know!" Oishi tried to look evil, but failed miserably, "I shall take a hostage. Who better than Tezuka's boyfriend!"_

"CUT!"

Oishi was really red and bowing profusely to Tezuka, "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that! It's just that Fuji is a boy and…"

"…"

Fuji's smile was sweet, "How on earth did you guess our secret Oishi?"

Tezuka merely sighed but there was no change to his expression.

"Alright boys… Break it up!"

"Take five!"

"_I know!" Oishi looked distressed and darted glances at Tezuka, "I shall take a hostage. Who better than Tezuka's /girl/friend!"_

_With that, evil villain Oishi laughed in a choked sort of way that was meant to be evil and grabbed Fujiko's dress._

_Fujiko fluttered her/his hands helplessly, "Oh Tezuka! I know you love me! Save me!"_

_Tezuka blinked, an extreme reaction from the hero, "Oh Fujiko. I shall save you. Wait."_

_With that, hero's sidekick Momo swept onto the scene leading the cow, Echi. "Hey Echi, don't you think…"_

"CUT!" Banji shook his head disapprovingly at Momoshiro, "Use Ryo. Not Ecchi."

Momoshiro flushed as he realized what he had just called his junior.

"Take six!"

"_Hey Ryo, don't you think we should lend a hand to the super bad boy but hero of this movie, Tezuka?"_

"_Moo… Yes of course." Ryo sounded even more bored than Tezuka. Which was normal because he was a cow. Right? "Shall I stampede evil villain Oishi?"_

_Before the sidekick Momo could answer, another voice interrupted._

"_Hoi! I haven't finished yet!" Sheriff Kikumaru stomped forward again and removed his gun from his holster, "If you start fighting, I start shooting, nya!"_

"_Oh no!" Fujiko turned to Tezuka again who was hovering as far away as he could but still be on the set._

"_I shall save you Fujiko. Wait." The bad boy hero, Tezuka, repeated with a bite of impatience in his words._

_Inui-cactus hopped onto the set and tripped over to fall._

_Evil villain Oishi let go of Fuji to investigate. "What is this?"_

_Inui-cactus jumped up and his glasses gleamed, "Would you like to try some of my cacti juice? It's good for becoming a world dictator." His arms were waving around awkwardly since he was stuck in a cactus suit. It was green._

_Evil villain Oishi backed away as quick as he could as Ryo the important cow produced said juice and sloshed it around in a bored manner while the hero's sidekick Momo looked on in horrid fascination._

"_I'm thirsty!" Fujiko exclaimed before grabbing the glass off Ryo the important cow and downing it._

_Oishi the evil villain fainted from the sight and Sheriff Kikumaru jumped over to help him, "Oishi! Don't die on me!"_

When Banji didn't say anything to that, Sengoku nudged the older man, "Hey… That's not in the script is it?"

Banji shrugged, "It's almost finished, let them do what they want."

_The evil villain, just before he died, told the sheriff five words. _

"_I love you Sheriff Kikumaru."_

_Then he died a dramatic death._

_Sheriff Kikumaru promptly started howling with tears, "No! NO! Oishiii!"_

_Everyone else ignored him as Fujiko fluttered her/his eyelashes at Inui-cactus, "Oh Inui-cactus! You saved me from the evil villain Oishi! As repayment, I'll spend the rest of my life with you!"_

_Inui-cactus tried to edge away without much success._

"_HORA! HORA! IT'S A WEDDING CEREMONY!" Priest Taka sprinted onto the set and ran into Kaoko._

_Kaoko stumbled back a couple of steps right into the hero Tezuka who was still expressionless._

"_BURNING LOVE! IT'S A DOUBLE WEDDING!"_

_Kaoko looked slightly sick whilst the hero Tezuka merely blinked twice. A sign of definite anger._

_Momo, the hero's side kick rang Ryo's cow bell._

"_Ding. Ding. Ding."_

"_HORA! HORA! LISTEN TO IT! IT'S YOUR WEDDING BELLS!" Priest Taka threw the sheets of paper he was supposed to be reading to the two couples._

_Momo wiped a tear out of his eye, "How romantic!"_

_Tezuka started twitching as Fujiko crooned and petted Inui-cactus who was attempting to run away with no success. Fujiko was quite strong when it mattered._

_Sheriff Kikumaru finally stood up and yelled out, "NYA! YOU KILLED OISHI!" Tears still swam tragically in his blue eyes. He pulled out his revolver and started shooting randomly._

_The bad boy hero, Tezuka's, eyebrow started twitching violently. "100 LAPS AROUND THE SALOON NOW!"_

"And CUT!" Banji jumped off the director's chair as a big 'THE END' sign was stuffed in front of the camera.

"That's a wrap guys! Well done!" Banji waved at everyone to start packing before turning back to the Seigaku group.

Without a second word, everyone from the Seigaku acting agency stalked, stomped, hopped or bounced away holding hands with their partner.

None of them looked back.

Nor did they answer the question that an incredulous Ryuuzaki directed at them when they arrived back at the Seishun Acting Agency.

"What on earth happened to you?!"

Tezuka was in an oversized cloak. He didn't look very happy.

Both Fuji and Kaidoh were in dresses. Neither looked too thrilled either.

Echizen wore black and white pattered things and had a bell hanging from a collar on his neck. He looked at no one.

Inui was dressed in a cactus suit. He had managed to saw off both cactus arms and was now happily back scribbling in his notebook.

Kikumaru and Oishi were holding on to each other for dear life. Kikumaru shivered every now and again whilst Oishi murmured soothing words into his ear.

Momoshiro and Kawamura seemed to be the happiest of the lost. Kawamura was wearing something that looked ridiculous on him whilst Momoshiro seemed to be humming under his breath. He gave her a grin and thumbs up.

"Tezuka-senpai and Kaidoh are married now. As are Inui-senpai and Fuji-senpai."

Ryuuzaki decided then and there that she really didn't need to know.

* * *

The next day, a pay check arrived. The amount on the thing was ridiculously large. Almost double what they had been promised.

The note enclosed, however, made Tezuka mad enough to make /everyone/ in sight run 200 laps and almost rip the check up. Only massive pleading by everyone managed to stop him.

However, everyone after viewing the movie was in a state of disarray.

"Nya! You look great Oishi!"

"Thank you Eiji! You were awesome too!"

"Ahahahaha! Mamushi you look like a girl… Oh hold on… You /were/ a girl!"

"You wanna go at it Momoshiro idiot?"

"…"

"It's not too bad."

"Not processing well. This is illogical."

"BURNING! OH FOR YOUTH!"

"Mada mada dane."

When the noise receded as Tezuka made everyone run laps again, Ryuuzaki picked up the sheet of paper that came attached with the tape and check.

She read it and shook her head.

Boys.

What could you do?

As she left, shutting the door, to make sure her charges weren't doing anything too outrageous, the paper floating on the gust of air and into the bin.

The smug words on it seemed to laugh at the Seigaku players.

_**I had a good laugh at that Tezuka. I'll be showing this to Rikkai Enterprises when they visit us later tomorrow. I must commend your acting abilities. Completely above and beyond the call of duty.**_

_**You can see for yourself since I enclosed a copy of the film for your viewing pleasure.**_

_**Yours truly,**_

_**Atobe Keigo**_

_**President of Hyoutei Corp.**_

* * *

For those who aren't sure, the italics are what they're acting out. The bolded italics are a transcription of Atobe's note to Tezuka. XD

Having really bad writer's block at the moment with everything. -bows- I'm really sorry to everyone who's been looking forward to an update of TCoN. XD; I swear it'll be up sometime…

But in the meantime. I hope this little piece of not-so crack has been a worthwhile read. P

So, please, leave me a review! -grin- Cheers!


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